A Dozen “Guideposts” to a Better Life

Life Has Its Challenges. Here Is My List For Making It Better

What?! No Politics?

Yeah, I thought it might be a good thing to talk about something other than political and social justice issues for a change, even if only once in a while. So today, let’s talk about something besides what passes for our national government – at least for today.

I hesitated to print this list. It sounds a bit arrogant to be saying something along the lines of “I have figured out life. Follow my guidelines.” That, of course, is NOT the intention of today’s posting. We all have our own challenges, issues, proclivities, and favorites. We each need to walk our own paths.

Still, overall we largely share a few goals: To make life as good as we can, for ourselves and others; to be better persons; to encourage the best in others. Not an easy set of goals, is it? A few guidelines along the way might help.

What I have chosen to list here does work for me and has worked for me over the long haul. I hope you find some endorsement of your list, and maybe an item or two to add to your life list. We have mentioned a couple of these before, in other posts, so some may seem familiar.

Would love to hear your additions to such a list. My list is in no particular order; they all count for me. A longer list would be possible, of course, but maxing out at a dozen feels like about the right number. Much shorter would leave out too much. So, a dozen it is.

Health and Time Management

1. Massages – Some of us enjoy a good massage more than others, but I am resolutely convinced that if everyone in the entire country got a good massage about once a month, this would be a dramatically healthier, happier country. I have learned over the years that being able to give a great massage is a pretty rare skill.

   It is less about how delivered than how well the body is read and then treated. Done well it is a perfect blend of mental and physical health. If I had the time and money, I would probably get one every day.

2. Time Outdoors, The Deeper The Better – For me, nothing heals like time outdoors, especially in a forest. We have spoken here before about Forest Bathing, a Japanese concept of connecting with nature at a profoundly deeper level. It works, but even with lesser exposure, time surrounded by nature is priceless and healing. Give me a forest where I cannot hear or see other human beings and soon enough, I feel connected to nature, recharged and settled down all at once.
3. Quite Time/Meditation – I have been a meditator for quite a few years, although still at a profoundly amateur, short durations level. But even short sessions done regularly have great benefit. Your brain is never really quite. Meditating enables you to deal with that, and even to control it at least a bit. Either you control your mind, or it controls you. Mediation gives you at least a shot at the latter. If nothing else, it makes you aware of all the clutter that rattles around between your ears, constantly.
4. Look For The Space Between Fire Logs – I really, really love building and tending to a wood fire, something I rarely have the opportunity to do these days. I find it an enormously pleasing thing to do well. Some time back a smarter person than me noted that as important as is the wood and the kindling, the spaces between all those elements, the air to breath and circulate, yet be in touch with the other elements is at least as critical, probably more so.

   How right he was in that observation. How good a metaphor for all kinds of things in life. Finding the balance between space and connectivity is pretty important in all of life. May the fire be our reminder.

   
   Relative Merit

5. How Important In Life… – I learned years ago that it is all too easy to get spun up about things that, in perspective, are irritating, even bad, but actually not so important in the scale of life. Thinking about what is the worst that such a thing might generate and deciding how important could that really be can help put things back into perspective.
6. How Important To Others… – Sometimes being right may not be the most important factor in working a conflict. I may think someone is really wrong on something, but if the damage of a wrong assessment/action is not the end of the world and it is REALLY important to them (and not so much to me), I often consider letting them know I disagree but respect their passion and priority and so am willing to try their option. If it turns out they were right, you helped validated that and scored some good will points. If they were wrong, most will still appreciate your grace in trying it their way.

In Your Head

7. Curiosity is King – The human mind has many wonderful characteristics and capacities. For me, the lead element is curiosity. What else do I not know? What has new information taught me about what I previously thought. If you find you are just not curious about new things generally, you have started shutting down as a sentient being.

   If you are not at least a little bit curious about how someone came to a position so different from yours, you foreclose any prospect of ever agreeing on anything or learning anything from each other. In this area, I look for the second order of information. That is, I may correctly conclude someone is wrong because they get all their “news” from biased sources. Might I wonder why they chose that path, rather than just writing them off?

8. Anger Is OK, When Well Placed and Well Used – There is a lot of material out there saying that anger is bad and should be eliminated. I beg to differ. Raging, pointless anger is destructive, but justifiable anger that says, “This will not stand” seems to me a pretty good motivator. Just as one should not always be angry (talking to you, D. Trump), one should not be so uncomfortable with anger as to deny yourself the power of strong motivation.

Perspectives

9. Sabbaticals Are Super – Not many professions offer sabbaticals. That is a mistake. The opportunity to step out of the circulation of everyday life every few years, to quite your mind, reflect on life, and think about what comes next is priceless. Where I king for a day, I would dictate that everyone gets a sabbatical about every 5 years, of at least 2 months. We would be such a better people. I would issue that decree right after I did one on massages.
10. Stand On The Balcony From Time to Time – Take a mini-sabbatical. If you are deeply involved in something, particularly as a leader, find the mental and physical space to stand back from the crowd every so often and look at what you and your team are doing – look at it like an outsider. Now, jump back in the group and use the perspective your time on the balcony granted you. If you are always involved in the close in, intense action, you will too easily miss possible changes of course that could make things better for everyone.

Some General Options

11. Optimism vs Pessimism? Take Both – I suppose all of us are inclined to be an optimist or a pessimist. Obviously, being neutral until it is time to make that call is desirable. But even better, in my humble opinion is to go for skepticism and hopefulness. Have a good dose of healthy skepticism about everything until they prove out, then do what you can that will justify being hopeful (not necessarily optimistic or pessimistic).
12. Take Responsibility – This is the big one that so often gets ignored. You may well not be responsible for something that happened, but even if not you are responsible for what to do about it. Literally all the best leaders I have known, and that is a long list, were quick to assume responsibility, for themselves and for their team. People who always want to blame someone else (any names come to mind, America?) tend to be lousy leaders and even worse mentors. If you cannot admit error and take responsibility, you are wasting oxygen on this planet. Stand up, fess up, make it right.

See you next week. In the meantime, what is on your life list that you did not see in this posting?

          Bill Clontz

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