If I Were King for a Day

A Short List of Things to Make the World a Better Place- In My Humble Opinion

Ever Play “King for a Day?”

We all did this as kids. Let’s do a grown-up version. If I were granted the power to do anything, including some fanciful things, this is my short To-Do list of a dozen items as it stands today. Enjoy!

Physiology

1. An Engine Check Light for People– We are far enough along in science and medicine now that we should have one of those all-purpose trouble lights just like in our cars. We could offer two models: one for your forehead, so others could see it and tell you it’s time for a checkup, and a more modest model you could have mounted anywhere you choose. Maybe it could even play a pleasant little chime when it goes off.
2. Pop Ups When for Fruit and Veggies When Ripe: You likely are familiar with those little pop-up buttons that come with some frozen turkeys that tell you when they are cooked just right. Well, how about the same thing for the produce department of your local grocer? A little tab pops up when an item is ripe, taking out all that guess work. For me, it’s usually a mystery when a cantaloupe or watermelon is ripe and avocados apparently have about a 20 minute perfection time line before they go from green to rotten. We need some help.

Society and Justice

3. School Days: Every school curriculum should include two periods of good exercise (not just gym) daily, music (how to read it and how to play an instrument) and have critical thinking as THE core subject. Lastly, go from paper to eBooks so the Texas Board of Education no longer has a veto on the books the rest of us buy.
4. Punishment: People who torture or neglect animals get the same treatment as part of their punishment. Twice.
5. Social Media: Send us all back in time and start over with social media – this time with some controls and guidelines. This stuff is killing civilization. Yet it has so much promise.
6. Mute: Transfer the Mute function from Zoom to live meetings. I really miss being able to do that, already.
7. No Hospital Support for Non Vaxers: It seems to me that at this point, if Covid vaccinations are reasonably available to you and you choose not to take them, you have made your choice. Not fair to inflict risk on hospital staff and other patients when you come in to be saved. Stay home – we’ll send you some stuff to try making you comfortable. Yeah, I know – we cannot do that, but how much abuse should we expect medical staff to take?

International Relations

8. Pave Haiti: I think it is now official – Haiti is completely hopeless. It has had more aid workers per capita than any other country for decades. The French did zero for it as a colonial power. They have never had a decent government or economy. They are permanently afflicted with hurricanes, earthquakes, disease, and everything else terrible one can imagine.

   It’s not that big a country. Let’s give everyone there $50,000 and get an agreement around the world to take them in as new settlers. Pave the whole damn thing and make it a parking lot of the Dominican Republic. Anyone have a better idea?

   Politics

9. The Roman Model for Senators: The Romans had a tradition that if senators voted for war, they had to go themselves to fight or send their children to do so. Sounds like a plan to me. While we are at it, if you vote to NOT certify a valid election, your election is cancelled, too.
10. Give School Boards and Local Councils Tasers, with Minimal Use Guidance – Have you seen the nutjobs that come to rant at town meetings lately? Local officials and school boards really should not have to put up with this. Let’s “lightly arm” them and at least make the sessions more entertaining.
11. Instant, Transparent Reporting of ALL Political Donations– We have long since had the technology, just not the will. All political contributions should be openly published, with no shady group names – we want actual names – within 48 hours of being paid out. Publish a rolling count on every politician, easily accessible. I don’t fault politicians for seeking money – we chose to make that necessary. But we deserve to know who they accept it from.
    

    Charity
    

12. A GoFundMe Drive for Needy Republicans– Let’s all chip in and buy at least a sport coat, if not a real suit, for poor Jim Jordan, who seems unable to dress like a real congressman. Also, we could buy a nice comb for Rand Paul. If we get extra, we can throw in some Brylcreeme and hope for the best. Finally, let’s buy a little plastic surgery so poor old Mitch McConnell can get rid of that turkey neck. That thing is about to drag the floor, for goodness’ sake.

What’s on YOUR List?

 Well, that is my dozen for today. Have something to add to our wish list? You know you do. Share it!

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Bill Clontz