It Turns Out That We Need Each Other

Lessons in Community and Human Interaction

Things Change

 The funny thing about writing something like this blog is that life, despite our best plans, often ignores our feeble planning and whispers in our ear that we should write about something else, not what we planned for this week. That happened to me this week, so now you get something different. Hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed experiencing it.

I had a really fun discussion in my head, ready to go to print this week, when a couple of intersecting things happened that told me this was the time to talk about something else entirely. So here we are. Fortunately, this is still a mostly pleasant topic today. This is about people and our relationships to each other.

Barbara or George?

So, how do you feel about your fellow human beings, as a species and in general? Are you with Barbara Streisand? “People who need people…”? Or are you more in the George Carlin model? “I like people OK. It’s just that after a while, I’ve had enough of them. I’ve usually had enough in, say about, 2-3 minutes.”

I confess I am more of a George kind of guy. I do like people and value friendships, but I can go days, weeks in near isolation and be fine with it, even enjoy it a bit. For me, the pandemic’s isolation was not so terrible. But that seems not to be true for most people; heck, maybe not even so much for me as I think. This past week I read two articles and had an experience that made me realize how important in person interaction can be.

The Science of Loneliness

I read a couple of interesting articles recently on the problem of loneliness. No less than the US Surgeon General has said we have an epidemic of loneliness, and it is killing people.  What is going on here? It is, as you would expect, a complicated thing but the evidence is convincing.

Historically, it was not unusual for older adults to experience chronic loneliness. Many of their relationships were worked based, and those dwindled with retirement. Families members moved out of the local area. Increasing number of friends die. Without a conscious plan of action, a sense of isolation and depression ensued.

But now a sense of isolation, depression, and an increasing suicide rate is accelerating among young adults. What the heck is all that about? Two things, apparently.

One, people really were isolated for long period periods during the pandemic. Not completely isolated, but essentially the same effect. A lot of them cannot figure out how to reconnect on a human level. They literally are lonely but do not know how to get back in touch with others.

Two, using social media and texting appears not to work in terms of human bonding. We saw much of the same thing when kids tired going to school online during the pandemic. The results were terrible. The general conclusion is that the lack of actual contact, of being in a room with people, is a killer.

The term “killer” is not hyperbole. One recent study concluded that relying exclusively on electronics for contact has the health equivalent of smoking about 15 cigarettes a day in terms of health loss and death rates. Wow!

I Saw The Cure

There is good advice out there about how to beat this loneliness problem, and I saw it proved out last weekend. My Rotary club has a big fund raising exercise for charity every year. For the previous two years, this was built around people walking miles on treadmills, switching off to keep it going continuously for 24 hours. It worked well as a fund raiser but was short on human contact. For a lot of people, their turn involved spending time alone or with just a couple of people nearby for a few minutes.

This year, we made it a series of outdoor walks throughout a shorter period of a day. Everyone started and finished at the same place. Conveniently, this was a local bar that offered walkers a free beer after their walk – that helped attendance. The net effect was a 5 hour party, with lots of people coming early, staying late – just hanging out with each other. The effect of all that socialization, built around serving a good cause, was terrific. It was fun to watch, and to be a part of myself.

I have noted before that you can see the positive effect rubbing the fur on an animal has on people. We have a therapy dog, and I can verify this effect is visible and darn near universal. Turns out being a relaxed social gathering, with lots of laughter and back slapping, has that same visible effect. Happiness at this Rotary gathering was palpable, and I expect the effect lasted for quite awhile for many who were there..

Don’t Ignore the Obvious

Even semi-hermits like me should acknowledge the fact that we are better off, and probably better people, if we hang around others in personal engagements on a frequent basis. Find a cause you care about and leverage it into social engagement. Have some fun. Help others connect, too.

Enjoy yourself and you will live longer – and better.

See you next week.

Bill Clontz

If you find this blog worthy of your time and curiosity, I invite you to do three things:

(1) Join the conversation. Your voice counts here. If you wish to share COMMENTS anonymously, make the last word in your comment “PRIVATE.” I will assure your privacy via anonymity.

(2) Share the word about this post with friends and colleagues. Share a link in your emails and social media posts (https://agentsofreason.com).

(3) You are welcome to share this post with anyone. It is easy to pass on via email, of course, but also on Facebook, LinkedIn, or other social media.

Let’s grow our circle.